


05: Demons - Dry The River

by thestarsjustblinkforus



Series: Unrequited [5]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-15
Updated: 2013-05-15
Packaged: 2017-12-10 21:04:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/790153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestarsjustblinkforus/pseuds/thestarsjustblinkforus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>He knew even as he kissed her that he shouldn't. Even as she kissed him back he knew she was just being kind. He knew as he pulled her down on top of him, as he held her to him, as her legs tangled with his and his hands slid up her thighs, rucking her skirt to her waist and his mouth found and kissed every inch of bare skin (and there was a lot, there is a lot) that he was being selfish, so unbelievably selfish...</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	05: Demons - Dry The River

_They don't speak._  

_Not a word._

_They kiss, they touch._  

_And then they gasp and moan into each other's mouths, against each other's skin cold with cold summer and dusted with rain but warming, warming to burning so quickly and he's never done this before, never knew, had no idea..._

_He shuts his eyes tight against the letter, the letter still on the floor in the corner where he dropped it, his Great Aunt's cartoonishly large handwriting taking up the entire page to just say one thing._

**_Your grandfather has passed._**

**_No need to call._**

_Well, technically,_ ** _two_ ** _things._

_And he doesn't want to think about either of them._

_So he concentrates instead on_   ** _her_** _. The sound she makes when he does_ ** _this_** _. The way her breath quickens when he does_ ** _that_** _._

_And her hands everywhere, everywhere, and his own breath stuttering, shuddering, half crying, half consumed with what she is doing what he is doing what they are doing and this is definitely a terrible mistake but she had held him outside the Corinth, she had held him like he'd never been held in his life, even when he was a kid and they told him about the accident, even then nothing like the quiet comfort of her arms around him letting him hold her back, letting him hold_ ** _on_ ** _and he didn't want it to end, he doesn't want it to end._

_He wants to stay like this until years pass and the letter crumbles to dust and he forgets all about his Grandfather who he hated anyway, who he had spent his whole life in fear of, a dark towering figure radiating disappointment and refusing to tell him anything of his parents other than they were dead so "it hardly mattered what they were like" and sending him away as soon as he could be sent away, making sure he has never felt anything but wrong and lonely and rejected until Courfeyrac took him under his wing freshman year, called him "a good egg" and then, in the same breath, "What does that even mean, Marius? Do you know? I have no idea. Who even says that? 'Good egg'. Jehan will know, you'll like Jehan, everyone likes Jehan." (And Jehan didn't know but shook his hand with a firm grip, smiled, and after a thoughtful once-over, his hand still in his, nodded in agreement and murmured to Courf, "Blue, like a robin's" and Marius didn't really understand but blushed and smiled back and then grinned at the absurdity of his actually having friends, actually being accepted and supported because he was and has been ever since.)_

_He had knocked on Courf's bedroom door tonight even though he knew he wasn't alone, and normally he would have never interrupted but he couldn't... he didn’t want to be alone and Courf had taken one look at his face, nodded, and said "Absolutely. Let us just put on some pants," when he had burst out with, "Can we go out? Please?" as soon as the door had cracked open._

_They went to the Corinth and everyone met them there because Courf knew that he desperately needed a distraction and nothing is more distracting than the Corinth packed full of Amis, especially if Grantaire and Bahorel are in, and for about an hour it had worked. He wasn't thinking about the letter, he wasn't thinking about_   ** _anything_** _, and then after his second pint he had retreated to the bar for another and something about the polish of the wood reminded him of his Grandfather's desk - the one in the study that would gleam in the sunlight, caramel coloured and warm... He had smoothed his hand reflexively over the bar, wiped away a splash of beer with his sleeve, and it hit him then, what it actually meant that his Grandfather was dead._

_It meant he had lost his absolute last chance of knowing anything about his parents ever because his Great Aunt had only been let back into the fold after they had died, having being shunned for the past 40 odd years. His Grandfather had decided having someone deal with "the child" was more important than some past transgression she may or may not have been guilty of and he had had to set his glass down because he had been squeezing it hard enough to shatter, angry all over again at being denied something that was his. His parents were_ ** _his_** _. And now they really were gone, gone forever because his Grandfather had taken them with him and it was almost like they were dying all over again, everyone dying all over again because his Grandfather was all that had been left of them and now..._

_He had started to shake. His hands started to shake and he had clutched the bar and Courf had noticed because Courf notices everything and had immediately gone to him, immediately offered to walk him home, to stay with him and he had said "No, it’s alright", he had said "No, I’m ok. I think... I think I just need to be alone for a minute..."_

_Courf had placed his hand on the back of his neck and squeezed gently, pressed his forehead lightly against his and said, “You let me know when you need me and I’ll come running.”_  

_His throat had closed up at that and all he could do was nod and gently shove him towards the table where the rest of them had gathered, and he had gone, albeit reluctantly, because Courf knew him well enough by now to know he meant it. And he had meant it. He had needed to get himself back under control, didn't want to unravel in front of everyone and someone being nice to him was going to do it..._ ** _had_** _done it..._

_He had thought,_ ** _goddammit_** _, as his eyes began to sting and he held his breath like he used to do when he was a child and didn’t want to cry..._

_And then suddenly a hand was in his._

_Eponine's hand in his._

_Eponine leading him outside like she knew he was about to break and the second the air hit him he did, he lost it and she held him, she was there, Eponine always there when he needed her..._

_She was there that day, the day of The Incident when his Grandfather had learned from his Great Aunt that he was taking up environmental law and actually came to the University to tell him_ ** _in person_** _what a waste it was, what a waste_ ** _he_ ** _was and found him at the Pride Parade covered in body paint, one of the flower crowns Jehan had made for everyone in his hands. He had just placed it on ‘Ponine’s head, had just tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and he remembers he was thinking how beautiful she looked when he had heard a voice coldly saying his name._

_The others had discreetly backed away during the tirade (and he remembers thinking during the worst of it,_ ** _Thank God Enjolras won't be here for another hour_ ** _because he was certain he’d have made a lunge for him even if he_ ** _was_** _close to 80 years old) but Courf and ‘Ponine had stayed. Courf on one side of him with “FREE NAKED HUGS” scrawled on his bare chest and ‘Ponine on the other, her hand tightly wrapped around his and wearing a crown of fresh flowers, a bra for a top and a pair of spangly hot pants that matched Grantaire’s._

_He doesn't know what he would have done without them, doesn't know what he would **do** without them..._

_He loves them._

_He loves her._

_He runs his fingers through her hair as they lie together in his bed, having calmed from that initial slow build that had exploded into a frenzy of grasping and kissing and..._

_He blushes in the dark his hand coming to a rest low at the small of her back, her bare skin warm beneath his fingers and she_ _fits against him like she's never not been there..._

_He can't bear the thought of her not being there..._

_And that's when he begins to panic._

_He knew even as he kissed her that he shouldn't. Even as she kissed him back he knew she was just being kind. He knew as he pulled her down on top of him, as he held her to him, as her legs tangled with his and his hands slid up her thighs, rucking her skirt to her waist and his mouth found and kissed every inch of bare skin (and there was a lot, there is a lot) that he was being selfish, so _unbelievably_  selfish and that this would only complicate things that were already complicated because sometimes when he looked at 'Ponine he wondered what it would be like, and that was wrong because she was like a sister and she's never given any indication that she might... that they might... so he never let himself dwell on those thoughts when they occurred because they were just friends but_ _n_ _ow he knows what she looks like with her top off and he knows that she likes especially to be kissed behind her ear and that she's very good with her tongue and he's sure he’s embarrassed himself several times over tonight, but she hadn't seemed to mind, because Eponine never seems to mind when he’s an idiot..._

_And he is an idiot he is an idiot he is an idiot..._

_She sleepily slides her hand over his chest, coming to rest over his heart that is racing at the realization of how badly he has screwed everything up_ _and she lifts her head from the crook of his shoulder to look at him._

_She matches her breath to his, guides him this way into slowing, into calming._

_She kisses his eyes closed, her hand still on his heart, making sure it is steady now, steady and he wraps his arms around her even tighter knowing he should let go but it's already too late, too late, and they fall asleep this way, wrapped around each other, and his last thought before he finally gives in to his exhaustion is that it doesn't really feel strange at all being like this with her... it doesn't feel strange at all... and he hopes she won't think it's strange, he hopes she'll wonder like he's wondering... he's hoping she's wondering **what if**  too..._

**Author's Note:**

> Track 05: Demons - Dry The River : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ABZd8F-fcc


End file.
